Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
