i can't believe i had my finger in that
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
