Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
