How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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