Don't you send me to vm
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
