remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
