I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
