ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
