Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
