I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
