I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
