Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
