Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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