Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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