I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
