glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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