Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
