so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
