I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
