make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
