Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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