I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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