ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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