It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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