apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.