they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
