When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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