My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
