I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize