so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
not ubering you a puppy
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
