i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
