Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
