we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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