There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
