ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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