I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Drunk is not a location!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
