I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
