"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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