WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
