I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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