I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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