He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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