Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
