The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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