You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
