i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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