there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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