It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
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I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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