I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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