love makes seman taste better
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
