We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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