It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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