Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
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I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize