Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
