I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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