Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
