Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
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Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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